Derek Hobson’s Article Archive

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Short Stories
(Fiction)

  • I Hate Being Angry
    It’s not empowering having anger issues.
  • No Wrong Religion
    A father explains religion to his daughter–as objectively as possible.
  • A Crucial Juncture
    At the crossroads of life and death, choosing to survive may turn out to be more unknown that the afterlife.
  • I’m (Not) Too Good for You
    How prolonging the end of a romantic relationship can cause more grievance than a one-night stand.
  • The Calm Before…
    A specific moment from a specific video game that I wrote a fanfiction of and changed the names. Hoo-rah!
  • A Hero’s Death
    In the trenches. No hope of escape. Three men admit their shortcomings… the fourth calls them all dicks.
  • One Way Ticket
    A script of a man and his subconscious following another breakup.
  • Itsy Bitsy Pissed Off Spider
    A tale of vengeance.
  • An Average Conversation with the Mrs.
    And the lies we tell on a daily basis to protect them.
  • Back to Surreality: A Day at the Dock
    It’s hard to know if trauma is real when you have nothing to show for it.
  • Out of Cash
    When the bank account runs dry, choices must be made for an uncertain future.
  • Chipotle Burrito Anxiety
    A confession about the staple task at Chipotle.
  • The Colloquial Sequitur “Yeahno” 
    A script about the usage and definition of “Yeahno.”
  • Worst Hangover Ever
    In July of 2009, I had the worst hangover of my life, so I wrote it into a short story as a reminder to never repeat the mistake again.
  • Pears, Pearls, and Penis-Envy
    Bill contacts Derek about his interpretation of a short story and it’s kinda brilliant.
  • The Rich Get Richer
    A dystopian future where you work hard to be promoted up the floors or you join the masses of starving hands down below.
  • I Felt Like Dancing
    A short story about a boy who resolves his anger issues with a vivid imagination.
  • An Empty Cathedral
    Two boys live out a high school fantasy of entering a movie theater after hours.
  • Politics to Laymans
    A short, comedy script about the war in Afghanistan.
  • Pit of the Infinite
    Jacob finds William alone in an alley wasting away and utterly content.
  • Captain Pollard’s Cemetery
    After Captain Pollard’s second failed voyage, he becomes a grave-keeper in Nantucket where rumors float concerning his cannibalistic survival after the Essex…
  • What is Sexualizing Women?
    A Q&A between Spencer and Reed about what qualifies as douchey.
  • I’m Definitely Sexualizing Women
    A follow-up that works just as well as a stand-alone entry. It’s about the fantasy vs the reality.
  • Objectifying Women Objectively
    Another follow up to the Spencer & Reed story, that works on its own… but should there be another, this will be necessary.
  • Waiting for Gay Jesus
    A group of friends sit around a table and discuss why they’re excited for LGBTQ rights… some more nobler than others.
  • The Red Door
    A horror story of a door that changes rooms.
  • Blackmailing Superman
    Carl has been blackmailing Superman for favors ever since he found his secret identity and now he wants to time travel.
  • The Trial and Error
    A parody of the existential question in The Trial written as a dialogue between the inspector and the gatekeeper.
  • An Old Man
    A parody of The Old Man and the Sea featuring just an old man in a Hemingway-esque short story.
  • Repercussions of Telecommunications
    Ricky Lujan finds himself unemployed for not lying to a client.
  • Becoming Self-Centered
    Not all car accidents are viewed negatively, and their death can be inspiring.
  • Cripkey Horsfallen Meets a New Friend
    A little boy with a terminal case of an under-utilized imagination finds himself in a diner when an unexpected visitor arrives.
  • Hung from Heaven
    The final manuscript from Kyle Higgins as presented by editor Mark Shepherd. The story of a boy, who everyone believed was sent from the heavens, only to become the snake charmer that got his viper stuck in the overcast.
  • War of Song
    The Musical gods have always understood that their craft is symbiotic with rebellion. And even those that were against violence, like Harmony, have never understood the real impact of war because they were contained in the human world. However, when it expanded to their realm, true chaos began…
  • Cain & Abortion
    If we really consider abortion murder before birth, then that old wives’ tale (that left-handed children absorbed their twin in the womb) should put all murderous children on trial.
  • First & Third
    Every child goes through life within their own world. This narrative features 3 stories that begin from the mind of a child (1st person) and then shift to an objective onlooker (3rd person) to show what sparked the child’s thought.

Long Stories
(Fiction)

Switchcraft
A father and son switch bodies, but unlike Freaky Friday, Hot Chick, or The Change-up, the two remained in each others bodies.

Shoot Me Now or Make it Quick
Two friends (Oliver and Chris) reconvene in the wee hours of twilight to discuss their significant others; Oliver ending a relationship with his social circle and Chris preparing for fatherhood.

Writing the Novel
Dialogue and prose narrating how Wesley begins his novel and how he reaches the eventual conclusion.

The Adventures of Cillian Hume: The Case of the Stolen Spouse
A parody of the Sir Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes franchise, featuring Cillian Hume–a man of luck and inductive reasoning–and Dr. Luke H. Watt. Together the two solve crimes of theft, scandal, and murder, and although unconventional, they always seem to find their perp.

From A to Zombie
The only true benefactors of a zombie apocalypse are, ironically, those with no lives. No jobs, no loved ones, no long-term goals… the only people that would actually benefit if our social infrastructure collapsed. This is a story about those men, women, and children. Moreover, the men and women who act like children, or the men and women who work with children.

A Less Bad Day
A story of Calvin Iolaus, a young man, freshly dumped, and looking for a way to forget, but something always unexpected happens that results in careful deliberation before action.

Pygmalion’s Monkey Paw
Pygmalion’s Monkey Paw unites two timeless tales: the horror story by W. W. Jacobs, The Monkey’s Paw and the Greek myth of Pygmalion. This story takes place a year after the death of Pygmalion’s wife. Losing the one thing he sought more than anything throws him into a state of mourning. With the passing of a year, he’s grown more frustrated at his agony for not subsiding and reminding him every day that he is without. As a result, he slips further into depression, toying with dark thoughts until the doctor provides him with a solution…

Shark Horse

Shark Horse: An ongoing story of a Navajo (Joseph Sigo) who developed the uncanny ability to drift from death. After experimentation from Josef Mengele (Angel of Death), he is now a crime-fighting superhero known only as “Shark Horse”.

(See the series Bible here)

Combo Fiction

  • Beta Memories
    In future, a young woman finds herself imprisoned for a crime she did not commit and she is determined to find out why.

  • Suicide
    One man decides that he’s lost everything already, why not finish the job? (Click the ‘title’ to see the full story.)

    • Chapter 1
    • Chapter 3
    • Chapter 5
  • Sssssss (Bill’s in Tahoe)
    Average Bill’s latest DJ Mashup needed to be posted on schedule, but he was in Tahoe at the time, so he asked Derek to do it for him… story ensues.

Non-fiction

Poetry & Mixed Media (Memes)

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